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Jokes

 
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Magic or Science?
Magic
50%
 50%  [ 5 ]
Science
50%
 50%  [ 5 ]
Total Votes : 10

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Leorobin
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Joined: 02 Mar 2009
Posts: 185

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 5:47 pm    Post subject: Jokes Reply with quote

Time for a new thread...(ominous pause)...The JOKE THREAD!!!
Muahahahaha
Twisted Evil Razz Very Happy

Relating the poll I prefer the charm of things that can't be explained but it's cool when they coexist.

Some rules for the thread,
1)
No discussing the logic of the jokes, things like: "That can't happen", "that's not textually what the book says" or any other thing along that line, that will spoil the joke, are strongly recommended against, unless you think it will contribute to the joke.
2)
There's no restriction, just be careful about offending others, this is a joke thread, so it's not serious please be careful.
If you are going to post anything that can be offending specify it before the joke.
3)
Don't post anything that goes against the forum rules.


First Joke


A Panda Bear enters a restaurant and asks for a bowl of noodles. He eats the bowl, then gets up, takes out an AK-47, wrecks the restaurant and heads for the door. The cook comes up quite scared and asks: Why?. The Panda says "Check the encyclopedia". The cook checks and reads:
"Panda Bear: A cuddly white and black bear that eats shoots and leaves."

[/u]
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Leorobin
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please at least vote, it's for a project i have.
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Hylianmedli
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Joined: 15 Jul 2008
Posts: 261
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you mean, "Science or Magic"? Do you mean "Do you like jokes that are Science or magically related?" I'd like to to help you with your project, but I don't understand the question nor what I'm supposed to do. Sorry! Embarassed
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John Theta
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Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 487
Location: Idaho, USA

PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 6:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist were sitting on the front porch, watching the house across the street, which they thought was empty. They saw one person walk into the house and two people walk out, then tried to make sense of the situation.

"They multiplied," said the biologist.

"Our initial count must have been incorrect," said the physicist.

"If exactly one person goes back into the house," said the mathematician, "then it will become empty again."
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Leorobin
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Joined: 02 Mar 2009
Posts: 185

PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The poll is apart from the thread, just needed an excuse to start a joke thread. Very Happy
Cruel joke:
What's yellow and when you push a button it becomes red....A little chick in a blender.
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Hylianmedli
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Joined: 15 Jul 2008
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Location: Ohio

PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My Aunt Laurie sent me this joke once...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!"
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Tempest_D
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Joined: 30 Sep 2007
Posts: 138
Location: California

PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Four blonds get into a car to go to Disneyland. They drive all the way to Anahime, California. As they travel down the freeway they see the sign, "Disneyland Left".

So they turned around and went home.



And remember, "He who laughs last, just didn't get it."
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Hylianmedli
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Three men walked into a bar. The fourth man ducked.
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John Theta
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Joined: 01 Nov 2007
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Location: Idaho, USA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shortest joke in the world: An Irishman walked out of a bar.
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Leorobin
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lol
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!"

The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
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blood_dodo
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Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A high ranking officer went on inspection in a foreign base. There he saw a soldier and asked him how things were. The conversation that followed:
-Anything interesting happening here?
-The shovel broke.
-What shovel?
-The one we used to burry the dog.
-What dog?
-The one the horse kicked.
-Which horse?
-The one carrying water.
-What water?
-For the fire.
-What fire?!
-The one that burned the barracs.

--
Please excuse my bad english.
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John Theta
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What did the point say when it saw epsilon going to zero?

There goes the neighborhood.
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TFBW
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Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 1254
Location: Sydney, Australia

PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

John Theta wrote:
What did the point say when it saw epsilon going to zero?

Oh -- math humour. How about philosophy humour?

René Descartes walks into a bar.

"A beer for you, Mr Descartes?" asks the bartender.

"I think not," replies Descartes, and then vanishes.
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phillip1882
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

one of my all time favorites.
the various parts of the body were having an argument over who should be in charge. the the brain said, " i should be in charge, i do all the calculation necessary for the rest to function."
the hands said, " i should be in charge, i am able to write things down so you remember them."
the legs said, "i should be in charge, i get you to where you need to go."
the eyes said, "i should be in charge, i see what you need to do."
the stomach said, " i should be in charge, i digest food for energy that the rest need."
then the anus said, "i should be in charge."
all the other body parts said, "you?! what do you do?"
so the anus closed up. three days later, the brain was cloudy, the hands were shaky, the legs were wobbly, the eyes were blurry and the stomach was queasy, so they all voted and put him in charge. the moral of the story, you don't have to be important to be in charge, just an @$$hole.
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phillip1882
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 8:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

here's a few cleaner jokes.
three men were playing golf. the first guy, Moses, was up. he hit the ball, it landed on the hill, and started rolling toward the water. so he held his club above his head, the water split, and the ball rolled through, onto the green. then the next guy, Jesus was up. he hit the ball it landed on the hill and rolled toward the water. but instead of sinking it rolled across the surface of the water and onto the green. then the third guy was up. he hit the ball, it landed on the hill and started rolling toward the water. then a frog jumped out and ate the ball. then an eagle swooped down and got the frog. as the eagle flew, lightning struck the eagle, the frog fell, and when it hit the green it belched up the ball, and the ball rolled into the hole. then Moses turned to Jesus and said, "you know Jesus, i really hate playing golf with your dad."

an atheist was walking through the forest admiring the result of evolution when a bear suddenly burst through the forest charging at him. he tried to run but the bear soon caught up. right as the bear was about to pounce, everything froze, and he heard the voice of God. "you have denied me your whole life, what shall i do with you now?"
the atheist replied, " well i guess it would be hypocritical to ask for your forgiveness, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian." God said, "very well." then everything unfroze, and the bear stopped its attack. then the bear got down into a kneeling position, placed its paws together, and spoke aloud, "dear God, thank you for this meal..."
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